Dawn Pisturino's Blog

My Writing Journey

Rite of Passage

on March 29, 2022
(Photo by Gil Ribeiro, Unsplash)

I wrote this for the Binnacle 2008 Ultra-Short Writing Challenge, which asked for a 150-word story:

As the train pulled away from the station, Carrie looked through the window at her father standing lost and forlorn on the wooden platform. “I’ll be back,” she had said, hugging him tightly and kissing him warmly on the cheek. But as the train chugged slowly down the track, she knew in her heart that she would never come back. With tears in her eyes, she waved at him one last time, painfully aware of the worried expression in his tired blue eyes, the stooped shoulders, the crumpled old sweater. Who will take care of him now, she wondered. But as the train moved faster down the track, so did her thoughts, leaping ahead to the eager young man waiting anxiously for her at the end of the line and the new life they would begin together. She closed her eyes, remembering his gentle words of love, and cried. (149 words)

Dawn Pisturino

January 2008; March 29, 2022

Copyright 2008-2022 Dawn Pisturino. All Rights Reserved.


23 responses to “Rite of Passage

  1. Timothy Price says:

    Very touching story.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. utahan15 says:

    waiting for mr evil
    weevil
    something wicked came
    on the train
    merry go round
    smile and frown
    be it motley
    or neils versions yall
    lovely post
    you are the most
    of you i boast

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nancy says:

    A heartwarming and somewhat heart wrenching story of leaving and cleaving. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Very touching and so real life.. In just a few lines you made us feel her sadness and her joy, that cocktail of ending and starting over, that swirled inside her. Beautiful Dawn!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “But as the train moved faster down the track, so did her thoughts…”
    How heartwarming and deeply revelatory. I love the way you created such a sweet short-short with this challenge Dawn. Excellent job my friend! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ˜

    Liked by 1 person

  6. It reminds me of my dad’s death – sad and ending without knowing and having to move on. Great piece, Dawn โค๏ธ

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Very poignant, moments like many of us have experienced, as they are the indicators of the modern world, the unstoppable fragmentation of social cohesion.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Michele Lee says:

    Beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time. Life can present difficult choices. A powerful short write, Dawn.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I am the lost and forlorn looking man on the platform. Don’t worry, everything worked out OK.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. kvbclarke says:

    Intensely powerful.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. balladeer says:

    Very touching.

    Liked by 1 person

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