Flying Fickle Finger of Fate

When the pilot for Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In premiered on TV on September 9, 1967, the Vietnam War raged in full gear, the Civil Rights Movement continued to explode, and the country was split by conflict and political divide. A forerunner of Saturday Night Live, Laugh-In used provocative satire and humor to comment on current affairs. The show featured well-known actors and actresses like Henry Gibson, Lily Tomlin, Goldie Hawn, Ruth Buzzi, Arte Johnson, and Richard Dawson. Sets used bright colors and mod art, reflecting the hippie culture of the time. Popular slang, like “Sock it to Me,” peppered the show. Strange characters, bold costumes, and mind-blowing music enthralled the audience so the show emerged again as a series on January 22, 1968, and ran until May 14, 1973.

There were no social media then and people frowned at curse words. Laugh-In compensated by inventing the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate award. Every week the hosts, Rowan and Martin, awarded some entity this award, which was the equivalent of giving the finger to unpopular governments, public officials, organizations, celebrities, and corporations. The first award was given on September 16, 1968. Over the years, winners included the Pentagon, the U.S. Congress, and the National Security Agency.

(Rowan and Martin awarding the Flying Fickle Finger of Fate to Soviet Russia.)

Dawn Pisturino

March 27, 2023

Copyright 2023 Dawn Pisturino. All Rights Reserved.

I’m a Nerd, He’s a Geek

(Photo by Boris Bučko on Unsplash)

I was finishing up my final project for class, and I had notebooks and papers scattered all over the living-room. My husband, who hates it when I pile books and papers everywhere, said to me:

“You’re a nerd!”

I looked at him and said, “You’re just now figuring that out?”

I mean, I’ve known like forever that he’s a comic book-reading, Star Wars-watching Trekkie and Geek! No mystery there! We used to spend hours at the comic book store in Palo Alto, California while he looked at role-playing stuff and browsed through the collectible comics. We used to show up every Saturday to play hours of Dungeons & Dragons, which I thought was boring as hell. We spent hours playing board games that I almost always lost (except Scrabble). We spent tons of quarters at the arcade playing video games.

My husband watches the original Star Trek, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Deep Space Nine, Voyager, and now Picard, over and over again. I swear, he has the dialogue memorized for every episode. He and my daughter watch all the Star Wars stuff. We even attended a Star Trek convention one year in Las Vegas. Then there are the Superheroes, like Batman and Spider Man.

I do what I’ve always done – read books, write, watch movies and TV, take classes, and listen to music.

And he’s just now figuring out that I’m a nerd?

I told my daughter about our conversation, and she just laughed. She said she doesn’t think of either one of us in that way!

~

Dawn Pisturino

February 22, 2023

Copyright 2023 Dawn Pisturino. All Rights Reserved.

Poetry Book Reviews: Bartholomew Barker and Stephen Page

(Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash)

Milkshakes and Chilidogs and Other Food Poems by Bartholomew Barker (2017).

       Available on Amazon.com.

Bartholomew is one of the organizers of Living Poetry in North Carolina. Since he is also a food and wine aficionado, it is not surprising that he wrote a poetry book about food. What surprised me is what a great little book it is! His poems are witty, analytical, and chock full of delightful morsels about dining and the things we consume. You will not find any anorexic rejection of edibles here. Bartholomew is absolutely shameless in his love of food. And that’s what makes this book such a wonderful read and a delicious gift for other food-a-holics.

“Cold long nights

are best spent cuddled

with macaroni and cheese.”

Who can argue with that?

“Tomatoes

Firm as your breasts

Red as your lips

On a night out

Drenched in Merlot.”

Believe me, I will never look at tomatoes in the same way again! And finally –

“I want to die fat and happy

I want to meet my chiligod

With a milkshake in my hand.”

I know a lot of chili lovers who would agree with that!

Website: Bartholomew Barker, Poet

The Salty River Bleeds by Stephen Page (2019). Available on Amazon.com.

Stephen Page is an award-winning author whose work has appeared in numerous publications. In this unique collection, he uses poetry and poetic prose to create a realistic portrait of life on an Argentinian ranch. The ranch, its owners, and caretakers, are all fictitious; but Stephen writes with authenticity and conviction. For him, the story is real, from the ambivalent feelings of the owner about leaving the city and isolating out in the countryside; to the lazy, conniving employees; to dealing with bad hombres like cattle rustlers and horse thieves; to birthing calves, riding horses, and watching the crops grow. He expresses concerns about rain and drought; the effects of pesticides on the land; the annoying insects; mechanical issues; and constant repairs on the ranch. The owner’s frustration comes through loud and clear. Life is difficult. But it’s the raw beauty of nature that keeps him going. He has his family to provide for and a loving wife to lean on. In the end, the struggles seem to be all worthwhile.

Stephen’s style is eloquent and simple:

“The tree frogs called the rain last night,

but the rain did not answer.

The intermittent croaking, about

every hour or so, was followed by

a gust of wind and the scent

of water, but no sprinkle, no pour.”

~

“When I am in the city,

I remember why I escape

To the ranch. When I am

On the ranch, I remember why

I want to live in the city.”

Website: Stephen Page

Dawn Pisturino

November 22, 2022

Copyright 2022 Dawn Pisturino. All Rights Reserved.

Cat and Ghost Game

It was strange

The way the candle light

Seemed to bounce across the ceiling,

In leaps and bounds,

Like a playful poltergeist

Putting on a show.

In the background,

Where we sat,

The eerie black shadows

Seemed to lie in wait,

Like a big black cat,

Ready to pounce

At any moment

On the poor elusive spirit.

We waited anxiously on the sofa,

A silent audience,

And watched the cat and ghost

Game before us.

The cat lay still before the dancing ghost,

Licked its lips as it watched its prey

Dance closer and closer to Death,

Raised its haunches, flicked its tail,

And with one subtle gust of breath,

Pounced suddenly and completely

Atop the overconfident ghost,

Extinguishing it forever.

We smiled, then closed our lips, drew close,

And pressed them hard together

Beneath the warm black darkness

Which covered us, like a blanket.

Alone at last, we sniffed

The lingering odor of scented wax

And began a new game, called love.

1980

Dawn Pisturino

October 12, 2022

Copyright 1980-2022 Dawn Pisturino. All Rights Reserved.

Summer Funnies

Just thought I’d start out the week with a little humor! It was nice visiting with out-of-town relatives, and we were able to get started on some home improvement projects. With that in mind, I will mainly be posting on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays for a while.

Thanks for stopping by! I appreciate all of you.

Dawn Pisturino

July 18, 2022

Hell on Wheels

(Photo by Dawn Pisturino.)

Hello! My name is Isis.

Don’t let my sweet, innocent little face fool you. Although I let my human mommy hold me on her lap and cuddle me and kiss me on the face, I’m the Queen of the Jungle. Whenever the OTHER cat comes into the living-room, I want to rip her ears off. A couple of weeks ago, I tried. My human mommy got mad at me, but she doesn’t understand. There can only be one Top Cat, and that’s me. My human mommy strokes my fur and tells me to be a good little girl. I try, Mommy, I really try! You know how I always stop in my tracks and listen to you when you scold me, but I just can’t help myself. I just have to attack my housemate cat, whether you like it or not.

I’m sorry. Please forgive me.

I love you, Mommy.

Isis

~

Dawn Pisturino

June 24, 2022

Copyright 2022 Dawn Pisturino. All Rights Reserved.

Jennifer’s Jar – A Short Story

(Photo from The Cary Company, http://www.thecarycompany.com)

Jennifer’s Jar

by Dawn Pisturino

On the morning of her tenth birthday, Jennifer received the strangest gift she had ever seen – a large glass jar.

It looks like a mayonnaise jar, Jennifer thought. But why did someone – or something – send it to her?

When she unscrewed the lid and peered inside, she saw nothing at all. Sniffing it produced no odor. The inside of the jar was perfectly dry. She shook it, rolled it, and turned it upside-down. Nothing happened.

All in all, it was an ordinary glass jar with no label on the front or printing on the lid. So, she decided to use it.

“I’ll fill it with water and add blue food coloring,” Jennifer said. “Some plastic fish would look nice. I’ll make an aquarium!”

But when she tried to pour water into the jar, the water wouldn’t go in! It spilled all over the countertop. She used a whole roll of paper towels cleaning it up. And the jar was still empty.

“I’ll fill it with marbles,” Jennifer decided.

She found her brother’s big bag of marbles and tried to pour them into the jar. But the marbles wouldn’t go in! They scattered all over the kitchen floor. It took twenty minutes to find all those marbles and refill the marble bag. And the jar was still empty.

“Oh, well,” Jennifer sighed. “Bobby would probably be mad anyway.”

Sand! How about sand?

For Christmas, Jennifer had received a craft kit filled with different types of colored sand. This seemed like the perfect opportunity to use it.

Using one of her mother’s kitchen funnels, she tried to pour pink sand into the jar. But the sand wouldn’t go in! It spilled, like pink sugar, all over the countertop. She cleaned it up with a wet dishcloth. And the jar was still empty.

Frustrated, Jennifer threw the dishcloth into the sink. “What am I going to do with an empty glass jar that won’t fill? I may as well throw it away.”

She tossed it into the trashcan, but lo and behold, here it came, bouncing out of the trashcan and into her hands again!

Terrified, Jennifer threw the jar onto the floor, smashing it into a million pieces.

A loud belching noise filled the air, and a small cloud of stinky black smoke rose up from the pieces of glass. “Ugh! Smells like a big fart!” Jennifer cried, pinching her nose. “Smells like Sissy’s poopy diapers! No wonder the jar wouldn’t fill!” As the cloud rose, it grew larger and larger until it was nearly as big as Jennifer herself.

“I’m out of here!” Jennifer yelled as she ran for the front door. But the big, stinky, black cloud followed her. She raced into the front yard, where a gust of wind caught the big, black cloud and spirited it away.

Relieved, Jennifer returned to the kitchen just in time to hear her mother say, “Jennifer, you’re in big trouble this time!”

Dawn Pisturino

2012; May 4, 2022

Copyright 2012-2022 Dawn Pisturino. All Rights Reserved.

Short Poems

(Mini Me from Austin Powers)

Short Poems by Dawn Pisturino

Love Your Man

Love your man and love him well;

Give all you can and time will tell

The consequences, good or ill.

But love him still.

September 8, 1985

~

Attack on Libya

All around the terrorist camp

The monkey chased the weasel;

The monkey thought ’twas all in fun:

Pop! Goes the weasel.

A billion for the air raid,

A million for the missile;

That’s the way the money goes:

Pop! Goes the weasel.

April 16, 1986

(Based on the nursery song)

~

Sorrows

Sorrows come and sorrows go,

Pleasures last a day;

I know not why He made it so:

I wish it were the other way!

May 3, 1986

~

The Airplane

I looked into the big, big sky

And watched an airplane passing by;

I was too small for him to see,

And so he never noticed me.

May 3, 1986

~

Thanks for visiting and reading my poems!

Dawn Pisturino

April 27, 2022

Copyright 1985-2022 Dawn Pisturino. All Rights Reserved.

Brother Bear’s Baby-Sitting Adventure

(Photo by Nathan Dumlao, Unsplash)

Brother Bear’s Baby-Sitting Adventure

by Dawn Pisturino

Brother Bear groaned. “I don’t wanna baby-sit! Sister Bear always gets me into trouble!”

“Now, now,” said Mama Bear. “I have to take Baby Bear to the doctor. I’m counting on you to take care of Sister Bear.”

“Can we make chocolate chip cookies when you get home?” Brother Bear asked.

Mother Bear laughed. “We’ll see,” she said.

After Mother Bear left with Baby Bear, Brother Bear turned on the TV so Sister Bear could watch her favorite cartoons.

“I’m hungry,” Sister Bear said. “Can I please have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?”

Brother Bear made a face. “Okay – since you said please.”

“You’re the best big brother in the world!” Sister Bear said.

Brother Bear went to the kitchen. He made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and put it on a green plate. He poured a big glass of milk. He carried the green plate and the glass of milk into the living-room for Sister Bear. Sister Bear was gone!

“Sister Bear!” Brother Bear called. But nobody answered.

Brother Bear put the green plate and glass of milk on a table. He ran down the hallway to look for Sister Bear.

First, he looked in Sister Bear’s room. There were lots of dolls on Sister Bear’s pink bed – but no Sister Bear.

Then, he looked in Baby Bear’s room. There were lots of stuffed animals in Baby Bear’s white crib – but no Sister Bear.

Brother Bear knocked on the bathroom door. “Sister Bear, are you in there?”

He heard water running.

Sister Bear squealed with delight. “Wheeeee! I love bubbles! Lots and lots of bubbles!”

Brother Bear groaned. What was he going to do? Mama Bear would be home soon. Brother Bear tried to open the bathroom door. But it was locked.

“Sister Bear, open the door!” Brother Bear yelled.

“I’m taking a bubble bath all by myself,” Sister Bear said. “Wheeeee!”

Brother Bear heard Sister Bear splashing in the water. He heard the water running in the bathtub.

I have to get in there and turn off the water, Brother Bear thought. But how?

The window. Could he climb through the bathroom window? He decided to try.

Brother Bear ran outside and found the bathroom window. It was open. But Brother Bear was not tall enough to climb through the window.

He found an old wooden chair. He placed it under the bathroom window. He stood on top of the chair. Now, he was tall enough to climb through the window.

Sister Bear laughed when she saw Brother Bear climb through the window. She blew bubbles at him with her bubble wand.

The water in the bathtub was beginning to run on the floor. Bubbles floated everywhere!

Brother Bear turned off the water in the bathtub. He was mad.

“Look at the mess you made!” Brother Bear shouted. “Mama Bear’s gonna be mad!”

Sister Bear began to cry.

Brother Bear opened the bathroom door. He heard a noise in the kitchen. Mama Bear was home.

What should he do?

Brother Bear grabbed some towels from the linen closet and threw them on the bathroom floor. He cleaned up all the water with the towels. Then he pulled the plug in the bathtub.

Sister Bear laughed as the water went gurgle-gurgle down the drain. She climbed out of the bathtub. Brother Bear dried her with a towel. He helped her to get dressed.

Brother Bear took Sister Bear to the living-room and put her in a chair.

“Here’s your peanut butter and jelly sandwich,” Brother Bear said.

Mama Bear came into the living-room. “How did it go?” she asked.

Sister Bear became excited. “Brother Bear let me take a bubble bath all by myself. And he made the best peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the world. I love Brother Bear!”

Mama Bear looked happy. “You did a good job, Brother Bear. Let’s go make chocolate chip cookies.”

Dawn Pisturino

May 2008; March 31, 2022

Copyright 2008-2022 Dawn Pisturino. All Rights Reserved.

Killer Limericks

(Warwick Davis in Leprechaun, 1993)

KILLERS

A killer rampaging a town,

Ran into a carnival clown.

The clown drew a knife

And took that man’s life,

Then started a spree of his own!

July 16, 2011

~

THE WITCH AND THE BURGLAR

A witch riding home on her broom

Spied a burglar trashing her room.

“I’ll get you for this!” she said with a hiss.

His head was soon found in Khartoum.

July 17, 2011

~

AN UPPITY CAT

A cat who liked veggies and cheese,

Refused to eat mouse canapes.

“I just can’t abide that tough, hairy hide.

I’d rather eat onions and peas!”

July 16, 2011

~

LIZZIE BORDEN

When Lizzie got awfully mad,

She hacked up her stepmom and dad.

The ax at her feet, she giggled and bleat,

“Why am I so terribly bad!”

September 26, 2011

~

The Sorcerer from Beijing

A sorcerer born in Beijing,

Found a magical jade dragon ring.

It breathed out green smoke,

Transforming that bloke

To a blood-thirsty cannibal king!

July 14, 2011

~

LIZZIE BORDEN II

When Lizzie got awfully mad,

She hacked up her stepmom and Dad.

Amazed by the mess, she had to confess:

“What a rip-roaring party we had!”

September 27, 2011

~

The Sorcerer from Beijing II

A sorcerer born in Beijing,

Found a magical jade dragon ring.

It breathed out green fire, burning all his attire

Except for one shoe and stocking!

July 7, 2011

~

The Man in Galloway Bay II

A man lost in Galloway Bay,

Cried out in a very loud bray,

“I’m lost in the sea, someone please rescue me!

I’ve been swimming for more than a day!”

July 7, 2011

~

The Old Man from Brazil II

There was an old man from Brazil,

Who ate ‘til he made himself ill.

He gave up the ghost, said good-bye to his host,

And flew home to his house on the hill.

July 7, 2011

~

A Nasty Old Gnome

A nasty old gnome name o’ Bill

Liked to puncture old teeth with a drill.

He gathered some bones from the graveyard he owns,

But that skeleton wouldn’t sit still!

February 5, 2012

~

The Man in Galloway Bay III

A man lost in Galloway Bay,

Cried out in a very loud bray,

“I’m lost in the sea,

Someone please rescue me!

The fishermen think I’m filet!”

July 7, 2011

~

St. Patrick’s Day is coming!

All limericks by:

Dawn Pisturino

March 10, 2022

Copyright 2011-2022 Dawn Pisturino. All Rights Reserved.