(Photo by BW Square on Unsplash)
I’ve been riding a roller coaster of emotions for the last month because a crazy guy formed a connection with me. I have PTSD from things that happened to me in the past, and his unwanted attention kicked it into maximum overdrive. Writing, focusing, and functioning have been difficult, although I’ve been trying to maintain a regular routine.
This guy has been driving by my house with his dog for over a year. I could always hear him coming down the road because he would go slow and let his dog yap through the open window. He has an adorable dog, and I enjoyed hearing that dog bark when he drove by, as crazy as that sounds, because it made me smile. He came by about the same time every evening, and it was always just him and his dog. I could never get a good look at the guy because he always sat hunched down in the seat, but he was a white guy with a beard and wore a hat or bandanna on his head. I thought he was weird. It was creepy how he drove around like that every evening, even when gas was $5.00 a gallon. I figured he worked all day and then hung out with his dog after work. But he seemed like the loneliest guy in the world.
As I became more aware of him, he became more aware of me. I had a strange feeling that he and I would eventually come face to face.
The dirt road behind our property crosses a dry wash. I often walk through our back lot and along that dirt road into the wash. The wash curves behind our neighbors’ properties and onto another road. As I came from the wash one evening, who did I run into in his truck? The weird guy. He leered at me and smiled. We recognized each other, locked eyes, and something passed between us. I immediately felt uncomfortable, vulnerable, easy prey, and targeted. But like a stupid fool, I waved at him without thinking, and we both went our separate ways.
A few days later, he saw me walking down the road and stopped his truck to talk to me. He had his dog with him and started talking to me as best friends. I immediately felt a strong creep vibe and SEXUAL PREDATOR kept flashing in my head. Although he looked like a fully mature adult, he was much younger than me and came off as childish with an intellectual disability. We had a short conversation about rattlesnakes and dog bites. Although he was friendly and very polite, he kept trying to play on my sympathies and reel me in, but I cut it off, wished him a good evening, and headed home. I walked away feeling a strong connection between us and kept saying to myself: “I don’t want to have a connection with this guy.”
I have fifteen years of experience working with inpatient psychiatric patients and made a quick mental health assessment in my head as we were talking. I concluded the following based on his body language, speech, presentation, and interaction:
- Delayed thought processes (mentally slow)
- Unable to keep up the conversation (inarticulate)
- poor education
- Sexually and emotionally deprived
- Socially awkward and sexually inept
- Looking for attention, intimacy, and a mother to nurture and take care of him
- Very needy
- Mommy issues – either living with his mother or no mother in the picture
- Probable history of psychiatric care and medication
- Use of pornography and possible sexual molestation of children (based on his childish nature)
- Possible criminal history
Once again, I felt uncomfortable, vulnerable, easy prey, and targeted, but at least I knew something about the guy. I told my husband about the incident and figured things would go on as usual. Instead, the guy’s behavior changed, and he began to drive by at odd hours, with and without his dog. I got a couple of weird phone calls. You know, the ones where nobody says anything but you can hear that someone is on the other end of the line. Two dogs went missing from the neighborhood. Dead snakes were showing up in odd places. I figured he felt rejected and was punishing me in some way. I looked through the county sex offender registry but didn’t find anyone who looked like him.
Things calmed down, then we passed each other on the road when I was going to town and he recognized me. That set off a whole new chain of events. A few days ago, he started honking his horn in front of my house. My husband was in the yard, though, and when the guy saw him, he took off. At 4:30 the next afternoon, I had just climbed into a nice hot bubble bath when I heard a big commotion outside. My dog was barking, and I heard the guy racing up and down the road in front of my house with his dog barking. I was pissed. I climbed out of the tub, wrapped myself in a towel, and ran to the window. He took off. He drove by around the same time the next day but seemed calmer and just looked at the house and kept driving.
I talked to my husband about the whole thing. I told him: “If something happens to me, you’ll be the first suspect, and the guy honking his horn will be the second. Remember that!” I told him I would ignore these childish antics and start carrying my .38 special when walking or working in the yard. He said, “If you have to shoot someone, make sure you finish the job.”
Since things have calmed down again, I hope the guy got it out of his system and will leave me alone. I don’t know his name, where he lives, or anything about him, and he hasn’t broken any laws. There’s nothing to give the sheriff’s office. But he knows where I live, my car, the truck my husband drives, and presumably, my phone number. My biggest fear is that he will harm my dog or my husband or start doing property damage. The BIG UNKNOWN makes me anxious, afraid, hypervigilant, angry, and depressed.
I started watching a documentary series about psychopaths on Discovery+ and Googled the characteristics of stalkers. This guy fits the profile of a Private Stranger Stalker, Intimacy Seeking Stalker, and Incompetent Suitor Stalker. He may even be a Predatory Stalker. According to the articles, most stalkers are obsessive, narcissistic, socially awkward and inept, controlling, manipulative, attention-seeking, and feel no empathy for their victims. They want the victim to constantly think about them and react to their actions. They want to possess and control the victim to feel powerful, dominant, and adequate. It’s been estimated that 50% of stalkers suffer from some form of mental illness, including schizophrenia, psychosis, and personality disorders. Women are the most likely victims, and men the most likely stalkers, but anyone can be a victim or a stalker. The most dangerous stalkers have been involved in domestic violence and broken relationships.
Why did it happen to me? I was there. I was visible and presumably available. I was fair game, vulnerable, and an easy mark. All the time that guy was driving by my house, he watched me work in the yard, feed the dog, perform routine chores, paint the front deck and front door, read books, and work on the driveway. He saw me walking in the desert alone. Whatever fantasy or need he was feeding, I fit the bill.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to write this post because it’s so intensely personal, but I thought it would be therapeutic, increase public awareness, and help others.
Thanks for listening! Stay safe!
Dawn Pisturino
May 22, 2023
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